[Eva]

I can relate, Lorrie… Firstly, as a white person (although with my own immigrant experience of prejudice, hardship, and communist persecutions in Eastern European) – what can I really say? I can relate to feeling alien as an immigrant, to not having my language or culture seen as mainstream, to not being hired because of my accent or cultural quirks, or to not knowing my family roots or grandparents (killed in concentration camps in WWII) – but it still won’t add up to the overwhelming, all encompassing experience of black people. I am glad that I had a glimpse into those feelings, to get a different perspective and come out of my own universe, but I don’t feel that I can’t possibly answer the survey as ‘understanding’ or ‘having learned’. This would not give any justice to the experience of racial discrimination.

[Noor]

Watching all the modules was a very eye opening experience for myself. As I was learning I was also saddened by hearing and understanding I have such a long way to go when it comes to educating myself and my peers. Understand how important this work is in the clients we may serve as well. Knowing the history of Black individuals is so crucial but, it is also important to understand the impacts it has on Black people today and how we can help support and end this history. It is up to us to take initiatives like this certification to educate ourselves educate those around us.

[Justin]

I can understand why you feel that way. It can be overwhelming to learn about the history of racism and the many ways it continues to impact Black people today. But it is important to remember that you are not alone in this journey. Many resources are available to help you learn and grow, and many people are committed to working together to create a more just and equitable society.

It is also important to remember that you don’t have to be perfect to make a difference. Just one step at a time can lead to significant changes.🙂

[V]

I was feeling the same way. I am just making my way through the modules and I am overwhelmed by the history that I was never introduced to, even the concept that there was no slavery in Canada- or that it was “gentle”.

[Laura]

I think like many others, there are a lot of mixed emotions having now finished the learning modules. I’ve been in university for quite a bit of time now and thought that I knew more than I did. While I’m thankful to have had the opportunity to learn through these modules and intend to use what I have learned in future practice, there is still a bit of guilt towards my lack of knowledge in some areas.

[Kathryn]

I also feel that same guilt over my lack of knowledge regarding Black history in Canada and what actually happened. I feel that I should know more at this point in my life. I feel there was a deep void in my education in the public school system growing up that must be rectified for the current and future generations.

[Danish]

Having finished the modules, I am filled with a mix of emotions. I’m very grateful for the opportunity to engage in this learning. At the same time, while a lot of this learning was a reminder of what I learned in critical social work, some of it was new too. As I was listening and reading through the modules and lectures, I found myself reflecting back on my practice with students/ individuals in the field and how my own interactions with them went. I found myself questioning, did I still hold any biases, did I come off/across as having saviour complex or knowing how hard it might be for Black individuals? did I listen enough? How can I handle the situation next time? Do I pick and choose when I want to be an ally as if it’s a choice? Can I call myself an ally? What’s my privilege? A lot of questions came up and I am going to hold space for them and take time to go through and critically reflect.

[Mica]

I just finished the modules, and I’m working through a lot of emotions- absorbing and reflecting on my learning, planning and executing tangible actions to apply what I’ve learned, and constantly practicing critical reflexivity for myself. I was particularly struck by the lecture in module 1 about brown complicity in anti-Black racism, and it reminded me of when ‘Yellow Peril Supports Black Power’ resurfaced in 2020 and how I resonated with it as an Asian ally. How can I continue to apply Yellow Peril Supports Black Power today, and how can I actually engage in action rather than just speaking about my allyship (as discussed in module 4’s spoken word)?

[Danielle]

I’m halfway through the program currently and one of the biggest things for me is the realization that all of learning I have done so far (through different programs in college and university, different trainings, my career, etc) have only really scratched the surface. But I am thankful for the opportunity to continue to learn.

[Kennishia]

As a Black woman in the education profession, these lectures left me with many emotions. I felt inspired to continue the work that I do to ensure that future students do not have to carry the burden of anti-Black racism at every corner of their educational journey alone. I felt saddened to read about the richness of our Black history in Canada, only to know that this information has largely been resisted in our curriculum where it deserves to be widely shared and acknowledged. It left me feeling frustrated that we are still fighting to date for anti-Black racism to be named and validated as a lived experience that is happening today, not a “thing of the past” but rather a very real and present reality. This is critical work, but I was also left with hope that the more we continue to spread the awareness that eventually it will spark the action across all institutions that we desperately need to implement.

[Fiona]

I also experienced a lot of emotions during these reads. “Discomfort” was one that specifically stuck out for me. I agree that feeling discomfort helps to fosters self-reflection and personal change.

[YouthREX- Kamau]

Thank you for sharing! These lectures cover very sensitive topics, and may evoke strong feelings that we don’t often get afforded the opportunity to explore. We encourage everyone to utilize the workbook to help understand and navigate these feelings.

You can find the workbook at the beginning of module 1 under the Getting Started tab: https://learn.youthrex.com/courses/take/abr-the-context-of-anti-black-racism/downloads/40840146-workbook

[Fiona]

Thank you for the resource.

[Michelle]

It so important to self-reflect. To understand where we stand with our emotions and taking in the information that we are learning and how impactful it has on one-person, other people, are community, our work. It’s powerful. I am a person that debriefs and took the time to do this with my coworkers/supervisor to help me process the information. Emotions are powerful and i think it speaks volumes when one feels challenged to feel them during this process in learning and how important it is to continue to learn and get out of our comfort zone.

[casondra]

I’m only halfway through and already have so many emotions. listening to so many amazing individuals share with so much passion and the spoken words are so impactful.

[Emily]

Thanks for starting this thread Lorrie! One thing that stood out to me during the lectures was the idea of paying attention to feelings that pop up and/or recognizing any discomfort when challenging internal beliefs. One thing I have noticed is that discomfort can turn into defensiveness (aka white fragility). I think it’s especially important for folks who work in helping/education professions, or professions where they may be exposed to trainings such as these to continually learn and challenge themselves. This can be at the personal and organizational level.

[Fiona]

I agree with your comment re: defensiveness. This can sometimes be an automatic thought/feeling. Recognizing this is key.

[Mark Roberts –]

Having just completed the lectures and readings, now that I have had the opportunity to reflect and process. My emotional response has ranged from despair to hope, but I feel incredibly encouraged by how the on going work and uplifting of our voices so the Black communities are not just seen but heard as well.

[Elisa]

Thank you for reminding us of the importance of identifying our emotions during each lecture and ensuring that we take the time to reflect, process and regroup. As an Black educator I often fail to stop and acknowledge the toll Anti-Black racism has had on me emotional, mentally, spiritually, physically and professionally.

[Rochelle]

I too just finished listening to the lectures. It really felt liberating for the Black community to be centered. I’ve often felt lumping many multicultural groups together overlooks unique challenges communities face.

[Michaelene]

Hi Rochelle

It was refreshing and meaninful to read and hear Black voices in this course. For me, it feels more authentic and real.

[Laura]

I feel incredibly grateful for the opportunity to be part of this program and to read all the comments and insights in this virtual cafe. As I was moving through module 1 I was feeling angry that I didn’t know so much of the historical information being presented. At first, my anger was at the educational system who never taught me about Canadian Black history but when I truly reflected on the information and my feelings about it, I recognized that I was feeling angry and disappointment in myself. I had a responsibility to actively educate myself. and I have a responsibility to keep learning. I’m really looking forward to learning more not only from the modules but also from the cafe responses.

[Michaelene]

Hi Laura.

I had some knowledge of the information in this program through post secondary education. However, I couldn’t help but recognize that I have no recollection of such education in elementary or secondary school. I feel really grateful to be in this program as part of my journey to consistently engage so that Black voices are centred and heard.

[Vanessa]

Hi Michaelene,

I agree – I had reflected that I had no memories of learning any of the information from the modules throughout school, aside from post secondary. It brought me back to when I graduated and entered the work force, and how it felt that the conversations and awareness weren’t continuing. I feel disappointed that I didn’t put more effort into learning on my own, and am grateful for having participated in this course.

[Cindy]

Vanessa and Michaelene, I 100% agree. This information wasn’t shared in elementary or high school, outside of highlighting the positives of the underground railroad. Even as an adult, without this course, I would continue to be ignorant of important historical and current information that every Canadian NEEDS to be aware of. My eyes have been opened wider to ABR in our education system (specifically) as a result of this information. I work in the education system supporting the MH of students and I am so grateful to now have this lens to work from. I recognize and own my gaps in understanding and know that this learning is ongoing.

[Stephanie]

I definitely feel the need to move from awareness to collective action. I think that by viewing policies and practices in institutions from an anti-oppressive lens, by being aware of my own biases, making visible the often invisible forces of white supremacy, and listening, I can make a real difference in the well-being of Black youth. By holding up the accomplishments of Black people and creating spaces where Black excellence is celebrated and seen everyday, where Black leadership is there to guide, and by creating partnerships with families, we can get closer to dismantling systemic racism.

[Michaelene]

So true Stephanie. And I frequently feel the internal tension in moving from awareness to more overt action

[Shauna]

I also just started the lecture series. The first two modules have been eye opening and emotion provoking. I have also been reflecting on past experiences with clients in the agencies I have been employed. I am disheartened by the statistics that have been presented thus far. They are a strong reminder that there is more work to be done, and the importance of being aware of our own implicit biases. I look forward to the remaining modules and the learning that will take place.

[Lesley]

I also just recently started the lecture series as well. Something that stood out to me was the information provided on the teaching field. If we take a close look at the school system in our various cities, I am not basing this on actual statistics, but I can say that our schools are predominately led by white women/white men. I think it’s important to reflect on that.

I look forward to this series, thank you for the opportunity

[Michaelene]

Hi Lesley – what keeps coming up for me is ‘the power in what is not taught’

[Shobha]

This also resonates with me. I see this with the Indigenous communities too. I need to relearn history in this land and need to seek out reliable, trust worthy sources. I have learned so much in this course already and know that I will be exploring other links on this site. So grateful to have this opportunity!

[Reece]

I’ve just begun the lecture series, and I find myself replaying a lot of my experiences in personal support work in group homes play back in my head. Ignorant management staff, who at best are woefully ignorant in regards to the origin of certain slurs and derogatory terms, and at worst are downright combative about change and accountability. The amount of patience and effort it took to stand up to these problems at the time, and looking back, I know nothing has changed in that particular setting. Im trying to move forward and not feel complicit and instead focus on the change I can help feed in my current position. But it is difficult.

Here’s to a fuller toolbox by the end of the lecture modules.

[YouthREX- Kamau]

Thank you for saying this! This certificate tackles a lot of difficult topics that cause us to recall past memories, but hopefully in the process it will allow us all a better understanding of our environments and how to deal with them.

[Sarah Durand –]

Ivan and Toni I have watched the same impacts on black people I care about growing up. The constant messages they receive are they are not enough. I find this course has been very helpful in providing the language necessary when addressing the issues that permeate our society. As an educator I feel better equipped to address issues that arise with staff. I also now have resources to share.

[Ivan]

Toni – I hear you, and I’m sorry to hear that. May you continue to be resilient. Something in my heart is pulling also. I am a person of colour, and belong to the latinx community. As such, I had some similar experiences to our Black youth while growing up here in Toronto, and it’s hard. In a lot of ways, I am lucky to be an adult now, and to be a teacher. My life could have easily have turned out very differently. So because I have indeed experienced racism in the flesh, and I understand the pain and suffering, I do take this anti-racist work seriously. I also understand my male privilege, and I challenge and try to educate sexist men. And I often find myself alone, getting into conflict with people that are threatened by this work. It is very draining, and isolating, and I have probably lost opportunities to do better in life, but I’m okay with that, because I wouldn’t want to be in those places, keeping silence. My parents taught me always to speak up and do what’s right, and I try my best to honour that wish every time. I am learning however to take more care of myself, and to find my people. One of the lectures here, stressed that. That taking care of ourselves is not indulgence, it is self preservation. And that is my wish for everyone here, that you be authentic with this work, but also, do take care of yourselves. Can’t pour from an empty cup. I wish you all the best.

In solidarity always.

[Toni]

This has been a bit of rollercoaster for me. The insights to who I am as well as why I am have been profound. But what has bothered me the most are pieces like adultification. I always knew it was a thing, but I could never put it into words, I didn’t have a language for it. Also, the role models in our society. I grew up comparing myself to Beyonce. I know that seems kinda dumb, but I had a hard time seeing someone in media or in my community that I wanted to emulate. I always felt like a I was failing no matter how hard I tried. In every job that I entered in my field, I was often the odd woman out. Feelings of isolation and uncertainty follow me, and I know i’ve subscribed to the imposter syndrome. Still trying to refund that. There have been no tears yet, but there is something in my heart that is pulling.

[Kimberly]

First of all, thank you all at YouthREXABRCertificate program for having all of this. Secondly, thank you all for having this forum and specifically this thread. There have been waves of guilt and shame in going through the modules as I come to terms with how much Anti-Black Racism I have internalized as a Black Woman. I truly hope to implement what has been shared in future work with children&youth, but the guilt and shame is still there….I should have known better, as opposed to being frustrated at kids who were “not trying hard enough” to “fit into the system”…..
While I could brush it off as thinking they are just kids, I do wonder what they think of me as far as trying to do/be better and different now…..
Again thank you all for providing so much food for though; and this opportunity to reflect on our work, interactions, and ongoing engagement with community.

[Sandra]

Lorrie – I agree and also experience a full range of emotions throughout the lectures. I want to continue to evolve and change my practice and I’m grateful for the opportunity to be jolted into action by this learning.

[YouthREX- Kamau]

Thank you for saying this! Throughout the certificate the lectures will address a lot of realities that will illicit different emotions in all of us, and it is important for us to use that information how ever best fit in our own lives and thought processes.

The lectures can be a lot to handle, so everyone please feel free to go through the lectures at a pace that allows for you to have the best experience.

[Abdulai]

Definitely, and some of those realities do trigger trauma of generational racism with the horrendous journeys our ancestors faced when they were forcefully uprooted and carted away to the “new world” with all the abhorrent and inhumane treatment meted on them during the middle passages. And coming to Canada, the story is no different. Racism manifesting itself itself in different with the rather puerile excuse that “it is not as bad as in the states” . This is just yet another way how racism is reproduced! But, hey, the modules inevitably complemented my understanding of racism in the broader sense and provided that additional impetus to spring to action to kill it. One should never give up in this struggle.